The last time we saw two of our oldest and best friends, let's call them Y & Z, was new year's eve. Okay there were a few tiffs, and clearly some tensions under the surface, but they put on their brave faces and we had a lovely night of laughing, dancing and having fun.
By the time they got home - 4 hours away, on new year's day - they had let rip into one enormous fight too many, and Z declared they were officially "separated". Things went from bad to way worse over the next few weeks, as years of poisonous resentments, heart-ripping betrayals and basic incompatability bubbled over to form a muddy slope that led straight down into a full-on battleground. Emotional fists and swords were wielded with rage - blood ran hot, wounds were deep.
Now, almost 6 months later, they are living apart. Their children spend roughly half the week with each, and divorce papers have been filed. Things are calmer, slightly less angry, and they are trying to re-build their lives.
For many reasons - a bewildering brew of circumstances, blame and loyalty - we have only been talking to Y. Soon we're going away with him, his children and another family. 3 nights in a cottage in the country, it promises to be great fun and I really can't wait. The trouble is, it's the first time we'll have seen them together without Z, and I'm going to miss her terribly. Most people say "good riddance", but I liked her and considered her a friend. I didn't see this coming, but tonight I've been really sad - like I've been watching what's been going on from a distance, and the loss of them to us as a family is only just sinking in.
Hence the insomnia, and a 3am post.
I'll try to go back to sleep now.
It is always sad when this kind of thing happens and sorry you are losing sleep over it.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, it seems impossible to be friendly with BOTH sides after a split, as it will be seen as a form of betrayal by either side.
I hope that you manage to feel better after writing it all down, which can act as therapy.
Better still, I hope you will prove me wrong and manage to stay friendly with BOTH sides!
That's hard. Me and my other half split up 4 months ago and have had some tough times but this sounds really rough. Maybe you could drop a line to your friend on facebook or something, you know, just in a casual way. It's fine for you to like her and you shouldn't have to take sides. You can have a friendship separate from your friendship with the Dad if you want it. And I'm sure she'd be pleased and relieved to hear from you.
ReplyDeleteHow very sad. I really don't know what to say. I often feel better after pouring it all out on my blog. It sounds dreadful for all concerned.
ReplyDeleteMaggie, thanks - I'm going to have a good talk with Y when I see him - treading very carefully on emotional eggshells of course.
ReplyDeleteJo, thanks for your advice, I've been following your story and I'm glad things seem to be working out okay for you. Hugs to you, mwah mwah x
Dulwich Mum, yeah, blogging is wonderful therapy isn't it? I did go back to sleep after the pouring out on my blog session (for 3 whole hours - whoopee!)
It must be awful for you, stuck between the two. Let's hope they can mend their differences, forgive each other and get back. Wouldn't that be best for everybody?
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for dropping in to my blog. I find you writing addictive, I must admit....